Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
