i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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