i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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