I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize