I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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