Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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