sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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