there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
