I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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