Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
