In the future we'll all be gay
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
