Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we made out on top of his cat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
