um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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