It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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