I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
