If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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