I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
