I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
