I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
