I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
