I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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