No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
