I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
