Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
