Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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