i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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