That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
