Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
