it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
