Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
