this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
