you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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