Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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