i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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