I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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