I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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