Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
