Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
