I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
