In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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