Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
false alarm, still single
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