Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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