Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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