Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
