Someone shit on the floor
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
