No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
