ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
