Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
