very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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