remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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