why do cheetos always look like penises
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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