If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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