I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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