My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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