It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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