How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
