I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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