I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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