I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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