I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
