I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just invented taco cereal.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
