Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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