these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
