Apparently you make a good broom.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let's get the cat blown out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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